One of life’s greatest blessings is a good friendship, or the good ones anyway. However, these friendships may wind up doing more harm than good if they involve toxic friends. Here’s how to recognize and deal with toxic friends in your life.
What exactly are toxic friendships?
These days, the word “toxic” is frequently used, but what does it truly mean?
A toxic person is someone who consistently engages in acts and behaviors that cause harm to others or have a detrimental effect on the lives of those around them. They are typically the primary cause of a toxic relationship.
Considering this, toxic friends are individuals that purposefully hurt you or your wellbeing under the guise of friendship. A toxic person in your life will not help you become your best self; rather, they will cause you to feel bad, tense, and more. This can be a friend, significant partner, or family member.
Naturally, there is a distinction between acting negatively and truly being toxic. To be clear, a person is toxic if they actively relish causing harm to other people, and it has become a part of who they are. But toxic behavior can happen to anyone at any time.
For instance, even in the best-case scenario, like in a codependent friendship, a buddy may be having a detrimental effect on you. Put another way, even though your toxic pals may not be genuinely bad people, you might still get hurt by their subtle interactions and behaviors.
10 Signs of a Toxic Friend
1.It’s a one-sided friendship.
Every relationship, even a platonic one, needs reciprocity, or an equitable exchange of benefits and burdens. If not, your friendship is probably poisonous as it is one-sided. It’s that you think you’re giving the friendship more of yourself than they are. They take and take, and you give them very little in exchange for all the emotional work you put into the friendship.
2. They deplete your energy.
If you suspect that a buddy is toxic, one important thing to consider is how you feel in their presence or after spending time with them. You might experience emotional exhaustion from them, whether it manifests as a decline in mood, anxiety, or just plain tiredness. All of those indicate that the friendship might not be good for you and is having a bad effect on you.
3. They make you feel guilty.
When a toxic buddy is blaming you for anything or crossing your boundaries, they may also resort to guilt tripping. Imagine a friend attempting to coerce you into doing something by stating, “You never want to see me anymore,” or anything like. They place the responsibility on you and portray themselves as the victim, which makes you feel bad.
4. They disregard your boundaries.
Boundaries are understood and respected by good friends. A toxic person is someone who consistently disregards the boundaries you set. While this can occur when someone purposefully disregards and crosses your boundaries, a lack of boundaries is also a common element of codependent friendships. This is the point at which friends become so intertwined that they lack sufficient separation and autonomy. When boundaries are crossed, the intensity of one’s attachment to another can reach unhealthy proportions for both parties.
5. You have outgrown them.
Simply said, we outgrow people at times. Even if your friend isn’t expressly engaging in “toxic” behavior, the fact that you’ve outgrown each other can encourage you to repeat old behaviors or keep yourself tiny. As we become older, our friendship dynamics and what we value in them may shift. It’s fine not to feel bad about having a long-term buddy but not necessarily being close to them.
6. They never appear to be happy for you.
A good friend would rejoice with you in your victories rather than be jealous, spiteful, or resentful. There’s an underlying jealousy with false pals, as if they don’t want you to perform well. Because of this sense of competition and jealousy, a toxic buddy may even go so far as to sabotage your success, whether they’re continually attempting to undercut or shame you or encouraging you not to do things that are beneficial for you.
7. They are untrustworthy.
Trust is an essential component of any good connection, and if you know you can’t trust a “friend,” it’s probably because you suspect something toxic about them or the friendship. Loyalty is important, so if you can’t trust someone—whether they backstab you or can’t keep your secrets—you know you can’t confide in them, which is toxic.
8. It’s always “your fault” for everything.
Toxic people have a difficult time keeping themselves accountable or accepting responsibility for their actions. In this instance, they may blame you, as if everything is always your fault and you are responsible for everything in the relationship.
9. They are cunning.
We are all aware that manipulative people should be avoided, but manipulation can be quite subtle. Manipulation can take many forms, including guilt-tripping, passive-aggressive behavior, and gaslighting. Manipulation refers to any activity in which someone “tries to trick you into behaving in a certain way, whether it’s giving you something, doing something for you, but without coming out and saying it, and instead trying to get you to do it without you knowing it.
10. They don’t accept you for who you are.
A toxic buddy will never genuinely recognize you for who you are, and even if they do, they will never accept you. This can appear as plain degradation or lowering, but it can also appear as a persistent attempt to fix you. One of the most humiliating circumstances is when someone well-intentioned gathers others to humiliate you for a shortcoming in the hope that it would motivate you to act. We shouldn’t address problems for other people just because we can, and other people aren’t our projects.
What makes an unpleasant friend toxic?
There are many different reasons why someone could end up toxic, but the main one is usually always how that person internalized their early surroundings, which is one of the experiences they’ve had throughout their lives.
We pick up behaviors by watching others since we are essentially copycats, and occasionally we are raised by the wrong role models. Sometimes we experience a difficult period in life, get dissatisfied and adopt a negative outlook on the world. And thus, our poisonous behaviors spread.
People will lean on the way they’ve always done things, including poisonous conduct, whether it’s a defensive technique for self-preservation, an unhealthy fixation with competitiveness and success, or this individual simply lacks positive examples of friendship.
If we grew up in a household where we saw unhealthy relationships as models, or if we saw unhealthy relationships as models in our social group or community, it’s simpler to believe that it’s normal, acceptable, or just the way things are. It can also be caused by low self-esteem or a lack of self-worth, as well as a lack of awareness of what constitutes a healthy relationship.
The impact of toxic friends on your wellbeing
Toxic companions can have several effects on us, including making us feel inferior, lonely, and even deceived. Simply being around a toxic friend can drain you emotionally, and this can have a long-term influence on your sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem.
Staying friends with someone solely because of history or remorse over leaving them is a recipe for exhaustion and animosity. Staying in these dynamics can keep you from achieving your dreams, limit your ability to advance in life, or cause you to revert to previous behaviors and patterns that you may have been attempting to discard.
What’s crucial to remember is that it’s up to us to decide how much we’re willing to put up with. Here’s what to do if you believe your friend is genuinely toxic.
What to do when you have toxic friends
When dealing with a toxic friend, the primary issue to ask yourself is whether you want to try to repair the friendship or simply let it go. You can try to strike up a conversation, but if this individual is poisonous, you may not get very far.
If you can set boundaries that are then honored and appreciated, it’s a positive sign that this person will listen to you and make the required changes. However, if this is not the case, it may be advisable to walk away.
Perhaps your friendship evolves into reaching out on holidays and wishing them a happy birthday, and you become acquaintances rather than friends, which is just fine.
It is not always essential to discontinue a friendship. Ending the friendship may be as simple as ceasing to initiate contact or plans and letting the connection fade spontaneously. Instead, focus on investing your time in connections that seem rewarding and mutual.
I believe in talking things out and not abruptly ghosting someone, but if you believe the friend will take it hard, you can let the friendship die naturally. Simply stating no or ‘I don’t have time or that’ will cause it to phase itself out.
Toxic people may be sensitive to criticism or conflict. You can try to repair the relationship if you believe it is salvageable, but if your “friend” exhibits all the preceding red flags, it may be best to simply distance yourself and let the friendship dissolve naturally.
To Wrap Things Up
Anything less than that will only make us feel like the worst versions of ourselves. We all deserve to be surrounded by strong, encouraging friends who genuinely care about us and help us feel like the best versions of ourselves. Keeping your distance from your friend is exactly what you should do if you believe that they are toxic, and it is vital for your personal wellbeing.
Don’t have time for the full article? Read this!
Recognizing toxic friendships is crucial for personal well-being. Toxic friends exhibit signs like one-sided relationships, emotional exhaustion, guilt-tripping, and disregard for boundaries. Outgrowing friends is natural, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being by setting boundaries or gracefully letting go. Trust and mutual respect are vital for healthy relationships, and identifying toxic behaviors helps in fostering positive connections. Ultimately, choosing relationships that contribute positively to your life ensures personal growth and fulfillment.
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